How to Fight the System

They will tell you that it is your fault and your responsibility.

You conceived and gave birth to your children. You should not have brought them into the world if you could not take care of them.

If you adopted then it may not be your fault but it was still your choice.

You are responsible and no one else.

They leave you with these words while you go home and try to live in a world of crazy instability.



In graduate school we read a research article and said the household with schizophrenic children were more stressful and negative. It went on to imply that this is obviously why these children develop schizophrenia.

This was before my daughter's own scitzoaffective diagnosis. Yet I understood the fatal flaw in their logic. How can you live with crazy day after day and not loose your own mind?

This year I was called out for being a helicopter parent. Then I received an email from the same school administrator telling me that if I was more involved in my daughter's life then my daughter would not be having any problems.

This is my daughter with asperger's. Although asperger's doesn't exist anymore. So she is autistic. Except she cannot be autistic because she is verbal (when she wants to be) and has an IQ of 130 and doesn't belong in the class of other children with behavioral problems.

When I saw my daughter at school she was curled up in a fetal position completely mute. They told me nothing was wrong. When I left the school she screamed that she wanted to come with me. Then she was just putting on a show because I had been there and we were talking about her placement.

At therapy I tell my daughter's therapist, the one with scitzoaffective, that I am not sure how I am suppose to do this anymore. She is 14 and no one else will be alone with her anymore. I tell her therapist I can't do it anymore either but I have to. She tells me I am mom. Yes I am mom but I am also done. There is no solution. There is no help for people her age. I am told to just keep doing what I am doing. Then I go home and my daughter has another fit and I get another bruise.

My son just turned 16. The one with asperger's and ADHD. He had asperger's long before it was no longer real. He is quick to tell everyone that he is now old enough to have a drivers license. He will not get one. I told him he needed to ride a bike first. He won't learn to ride a bike because he is scared. Just the thought that he is old enough to drive is enough to make him an adult in his eyes.

He told me today that he was grown and he can do whatever he wants. He hasn't done his chores in three weeks. He wants to buy a fish tank that is over 25 gallons. He can't even keep his room from being a toxic waste site. I tell him no and he tells me that he is an adult. I tell him that is great at 16 he is old enough to get a job and start paying his own way. I tell him we can sit down and work out his expenses together. He screams at me for another two hours about how he is so big and should get his way. Sometimes he slams his fist into the wall. Sometimes he slams doors. Sometimes he kicks things. At least today it isn't me.

He is failing school. Yet his special education teachers tell me they know and have been working with his teachers. His teachers are using him to tutor other teachers. For months I have been working with him to turn in assignments. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. I'm working on it. And he is still failing out of high school. Yet he is grown and can do whatever he wants.

They want me to resign his IEP to give him a computer to help with his schoolwork. He desperately needs a computer because no one can read his handwriting. He desperately needs a computer because he can not keep track of any paper assignment. He desperately needs a computer so that he may not be failing school. Yet I had to take away his computer from home because he sneaks it into his bedroom and hacks off the parent control software so he can watch porn and people killing each other. He tells me that parental control software is not the solution because he is grown now and can do whatever he wants.

I won't sign the IEP because it says that my son is doing well in school. They tell me that it is from his last renewal and that they will change it when it is time to reevaluate him. I tell them that my daughter is stuck in a classroom with kids who have taught her about porn and cutting and a teacher who doesn't think hell is a cuss word because the district read the line "she seems to be adjusting to middle school well" which was written two weeks after she started middle school. They didn't change it and they denied my daughter a new placement. So I tell him that I will not sign the new IEP until it has been fixed. I am not sure I really want him to have the computer anyway.

I wonder what the researchers would do if they actually had a child with scitzoaffective. I wonder if they would think it was caused by their own parenting techniques after 14 years of the most unbelievable shit happening to them. What would they do when their three year old kept waking up being eaten by spiders. Or when they actually had to take their child off the ceiling, again, because she climbed up the tiny groves in the wall. Would they think it was the parent when they were kicked out of every grocery store because they couldn't enter one without their daughter loosing her mind? Forget finding a babysitter. They quit in under two hours never to be heard from again.

I wonder how long they would last. I have made it 16 years. Last year alone I attended more IEP meetings than my daughter's special education teacher.  I have gone back to school to understand my own children. I have changed jobs so I can get home earlier to be with them. I have been covered from head to toe in bite marks. The damage to our car is identified by not only child but the specific period of meltdowns. We have been kicked out of our home at the same time that my youngest was being restrained in an ER after trashing a YMCA building and assaulting a few police officers.

Tonight I will pray that they will all stay in bed - or at least not bother each other when they inevitably wake up during the night. I will loose myself in a book - someone else's world - and preserve some of my sanity.

Tomorrow I will wake up and we will do it all over again. I will call out the teacher for not giving me an IEP invitation on time and for thinking it is funny to joke about kids getting shot in a classroom. I will hope my 14 year old will not have a meltdown at my work because I no longer have after school care for her. My son will continue to tell me how grown up he is while he refuses to wake up, put on clean clothes, or remember to bring anything that he actually needs to school. All the while I will wonder how I possibly have the strength left to make it through yet another day.

The Autistic Brain During Social Interactions

The other day on Facebook I saw a picture of how people with autism think during a conversation. I think it does a very good job at describing all the thoughts that a person with autism has to contend with while having a conversation.

Am I making eye contact - close enough - do you think they can tell I am looking at their lips and not their eyes?

Wow they are standing way to close. I wish they would back up. Would the be offended if I took a step back?

Is the person mad at me? happy about something? Do I need to be worried, concerned, or neutral?

Remember. . . pay attention to the words.

Concepts like this are constantly going through my head while I engage in a conversation. When you have to consciously think about every thing that you body is suppose to do, even if you know all the 'correct' things to do - you are going to be so busy with one aspect that you forget another aspect.

There is so much information to process that I am usually still processing it after the conversation has happened. Many times I will finally realize that someone wanted me to say something different, or looked at me weird because I did not make eye contact only after the conversation had ended - some times I have this epiphany weeks later.

Yet that is just body language. What this picture does not do as great representing is train of though.

This weekend I had dinner at my families table. I was a bit tired, and am working off an allergic reaction that I got while we were on vacation. Surrounded by family I do not have to try as hard as if I am at work.

Due to recently thinking about Aspie conversations I processed what was coming out of my mouth a bit more. Of course I only realized that what I said had no connection to any prior conversation after it had come out of my mouth.

While my family member was talking I usually wonder quite a bit from their conversation. I get distracted by one aspect that they are saying, link it up to something else, which links up to something else, which links up to something else, and then I say something in 'response' to what they had said - except the link between the original conversation and my response is only in my head. For people who have been around me a lot, they get used to it. For my kids - well we do it to each other all the time. Sometimes my son and I have three or four conversations going at once. When something is important, as the adult, I have to make an effort to make sure we stop and focus on one conversation until we both understand it.

At other times it is not the linkage, but the actual physical environment, which prompts a response from me, which of course is not connected to the conversation. When my shirt rubbed against my hives I thought about them which prompted me to see if they felt better, when I was relieved they were still in their state of healing I told my family members. The fact that nothing said before had any connection to what came out of my mouth did not connect until later.

I think my brain works faster then other people. This is not a yeah I am smarter way. It is a I have to pay attention to everything, and I would not survive if I could not process all that information in enough time to actually respond to it. Which is why I cannot socialize while driving if the environment changes. My kids are always told that I cannot talk while I am driving in rain, or snow, or even on a very crowded freeway. However, if we are driving the same roads home that we do every day then I can handle responding to their lecture on My Little Pony, the Titanic, or all the horrible people at school.

Walking Without A Path

There are times that I think I am walking on a path that God has selected for me. Then I began to make decisions that may be slightly questionable. I justify them in my head. I have determined that this is where God wants to me end up, and I must do certain things to get there.

Eventually, I realize that I am not on a path at all. I am surrounded by nothing.

At times, as a special needs parent, this is enviable. We become lost in our kid's needs, our kid's behaviors, or the fight for our kids. We loose ourselves. Sometimes there seems like there is not any other choice. One day things have begun to calm and I realize I no longer know who I am. I was lost in the last cycle. Then I have to find myself again. I have to start back on my goals, where I am supposed to be.

At other times it is my desperate need to belong which pulls me off my path. Even at 36, a grown woman, I loose my way. I lack the basic ability to understand. I have to pull on my experience as I move forward. I have plenty of experience. However, it does not always help when moving forward. I wake up and found myself lost. I realize people I thought were friends, were just using me all along. I pull back and start again.

I wonder where I would be if I had not found God. For many years I rebelled at his existence. I, like many others, questioned how he could exist and leave me to such a life as I had lived. It took me many years to begin to understand. Now, I hold on to my faith when I make a wrong turn. I orient myself towards God light, then I began to walk in that direction.

Life is tough for everyone. It is tough living with Asperger's. Even as I relish the gifts it gives me, I also know the struggles I have. It is tough raising three children as a single parent. It is tougher that all three of those children have their own special needs. They have their own struggles that I have to navigate. It is up to me to fix it all.

I know I am not strong enough. No person can be. All I can do is pray to God for his strength to help me through. When I navigate by his light then I will never get lost again.

Living in Two Realities - Functioning with Aspergers

I live in two realities.

There is my everyday reality. It is a world full of deadlines, schedules, and demands. It is loud and confusing. There are so many rules, and very few of them actually make any sense.

Then there is my native reality. It is the place where everything come easy. Where people can communicate without any language, and still understand each other. In this world everyone is smart, even if it isn't apparent. It is a place that I only get to visit, to retreat to when I have no other demands, or if the world get to be so much that I just cannot take it anymore.

I think this is why many individuals with autism say:
1) Autism is good
2) The world is the problem

Notice I said many - not all. I, for one, have a different perspective.

I am unique.

I am autistic.

I am a parent of two autistic children.

I have worked with many autistic children all over the spectrum.

I have, and continue to study about the science of autism.

I do not believe autism is bad, but I also do not believe it is realistic to expect the world to change for individuals with autism.

I love the autism world. I love escaping into my obsession. It is peaceful. I feel alive. I am able to easily interact with many other individuals with autism. I have on many occasions "translated" for children with autism to their neurotypical parents and/or teachers. It is a language that I know how to read without trying. It is my language.

Yet it is not the world that I get to live in.

The reality is that I have to navigate the neurotypical world to provide for my children. I have to advocate for their needs. I had to obtain an education, and get a job. I cannot walk out of my job because of social interactions. I do not get to meltdown when I have had enough for the day. I have to live in the neurotypical world - but it is not my native world.

In many ways I would not give up being autistic. I am smarter then so many people. I see the world differently. I do not think I could have the patience to raise my children if I was not autistic.

Yet what I wouldn't get to be able to go one day without having to work at everything. I would love to have something come easily. I would love to not have to talk through every interaction to see where I screwed up, and why the other person is looking at me like they do not understand me at all (or maybe I am just reading them wrong. . . again).

Then there is seeing my children struggle. Being autistic and an adult is hard. Being autistic and a child is next to impossible. Everyone expects you to function like you are neurotypical (even if they know you are not), yet you do not have the skills to do so. It is even worse if you are female.

I think the autistic community has a lot in common with the Deaf community - in terms of culture.

In both cultures you can be the only member of your family that belongs to the community.

What is Autism & What is Asperger's - How I Explained it to My Daughter With Asperger's

Some of the most interesting conversations that our family has is in the car driving to work/school in the morning.

This morning's discussion started when L described one of her old YMCA friends as being "Special Needs".

I asked her if she went to a special education classroom. She answered "yes". I asked her if that also made her "Special Needs". She answered "I guess". Then I asked her if she would like it if people called her "Special Needs". She stammered about how she did not mean to be rude.

The child that she had previously been referring to was autistic. I mentioned that he probably had Asperger's like she has. Which lead to the question of what is Asperger's and how does it differ from Autism.

Here was my explanation to her. It is an explanation based upon my experience of being an Aspie, raising two Aspies, and working and interacting with other children on the Spectrum.

_________________________________________________________________

Autism is like a language. You are born into one language. For us this is English. You know English without having to try it. Should you try speaking Spanish to your friends this would be very difficult for you.

Your primary language is Autism.

This comes naturally to you, just like it comes naturally to children with Classic Autism.

Children with Classic Autism talk more with their native language.

Children with Asperger's have one side in their native language and their other side in their not native language. I call this the Neurotypical world. It can also be called the mainstream world.

You can learn the skills to navigate the Neurotypical world.

You learn social skills. You learn to use your words. You learn when it is not appropriate to flick your fingers in front of your eyes, or flap your hands.

Are these things easy for your? (No) No, you have to work hard to do all of these things, but you can do them.

Living in this other world is exhausting. It takes skills that you have to work at all the time. This is why when you come home you go back to your native language of Autism.

This language has it's own body language, it has different rules, and it is a world that you instinctively understand.

Most of my friends have children who are on the Autism Spectrum. If Autism is not their native language they may have a hard time understanding what their children say. Since Autism is my native language I usually understand their kids just fine.

Once when you were younger we were at the park with some friends. Taylor, my friend's son, climbed on top of some playground equipment and got stuck. His Autism language screamed that he was stuck and needed help. However, to his mom he was just stimming.

When I worked with kids on the Autism Spectrum, I was often able to understand when kids were not learning what the other therapist thought that they were learning. There was one boy that was learning about different objects. The objects were on cards that had borders around them. I was able to tell the other therapists that he was not learning the objects. Instead he was matching the boarders. When we took the boarders off the cards, he was able to start learning about the objects.

I can see things like this easily, because my native language is the same. However, in order to take care of you and to keep a job I have to stay in the mainstream world most of the time. Even I have to escape into my own Autism world. I do this mainly by reading. If I do not read I could not function like I do.

Review - FiLIP2 - Watch, Phone, and Tracking Device

I have been waiting a while to write this review. I wanted to make sure the review was as accurate as possible. Based on our lack of success previously, I wanted to make sure that I actually thought that this product would work. For our previous failure you can read my review of AngleSense (I think it is a great product, but it did not work for my high functioning daughter).

I looked at a lot of websites before purchasing another product. I talked with my daughter through it all also. The reality is that she was perfectly capable of destroying anything that I purchased - so I might as well not bother if she is going to do another toilet flush.

It is a PHONE!

When I came across the FiLIP2 phone I was ecstatic. My first thought is that this is one product that I can sell to my daughter. She had a cell phone, but at ten she often left it in her backpack, and then complained because she did not have it when she needed to call me. My daughter has random bits of separation anxiety that seems to come and goes. A cell phone has been a way we have been dealing with that for a while now.

It also had the parental controls that I had on her other cell phone. If anything this phone is even more locked down. You can choose up to five numbers that can call the phone, and that the phone can also call back. Only those numbers have access - no one can slip through.

The names are stored in the phone. The child can select the name they want to call and it dials. It took my daughter all of four seconds to figure out the two buttons and what they did.

The phone only works on speaker phone. Everyone around can hear the conversation. The volume is not overly loud, so if we are in public it is not concerning. It is great if your daughter calls you because the bus showed up in front of the house 30 minutes early, and you just left work. The bus driver can hear you as you explain where you are and how soon you will be there (yep that happened this week).

I read about complains in hearing the child speak. I do not have any complaints. As long as she holds the watch up near her mouth I hear her just fine. We have tested it (a lot) with grandma (who has problems hearing everyone) and it worked just fine - so it passed with flying colors.

It is a WATCH!

About this same time my daughter was insistent about wearing a watch. If your child hates watches. . . this may not work. Ultimately it is a watch.

No one needs to know that this is a cell phone. My daughter wears it to school with zero problems. That being said the teachers probably found out it was a cell phone is less then 30 seconds, knew it was to replace the device she flushed down the toilet at school (ie - if she runs at school this will help them also), and she is currently not in a mainstream classroom. Still, it really would not be hard for this to pass as just a watch.

The clock face is really cool. There are different options for displaying the time. You have your traditional number format, and you have the time written out in words. My daughter prefers the words. Her watch will say Nine Seventeen instead of 9:17. If there are other displays I never see them. My daughter keeps it on the words consistently now.

The watch is big. Some people may not like this. I love it. It makes it easy to find when she puts it down. She takes it off all the time - she does everything - and fidgets with it. Sometimes it just put down, sometimes it gets put back on. I developed a rule before she got it - she had to have it on anytime she is out of the house. She took it off a lot at first. She kept it off for most of the time at therapy at first. Now it is on almost all the time. She even forgets to take it off for Taekwondo class - so if she can get used to it. . . besides big is in - and I really like that it is hard to loose.

If you do loose it - you can also call it - BONUS!

You can send MESSAGES!

L currently has therapy three times a week. It is a group program. Most of the time I tag team drop off and pick up with Grandma (family is great). When I arrive to pick her up I open my app and text her that I am there. She gets a simple notification that tells her to look at her phone.

Text messaging is one way. At first this drove L nuts - she was used to using her phone to text me. Now she just calls me back if she needs to. Adding a way for the watch to text back would be pretty impractical with the design. Besides, L's text messages were always interesting anyway, I prefer a phone call.

The phone only has one option for services. It goes through AT&T. We are a Sprint family so it is the only phone on a different network, but I am pretty ok with it. The service is only ten dollars a month and includes unlimited calling and unlimited data. The truth is that this phone is not made for your child to call you a ton, and it really does not eat up data since that is only used for the GPS. However, it is nice not having to worry about it at all.

Is Autism Spectrum Disorder Really More Prevalent in Males?

The current estimates of male to female diagnosis rates for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is 5.5 (Dworzynski, Ronald, Bolton, & Happe, 2012). This means that for every five and a half males who are diagnosed with an ASD one female is diagnosed. It has been estimated that rates are closer to 2.5 to 2.2 (Dworzynski et al, 2012; Hill, 2009), which would mean that only half of females with an ASD are being diagnosed.

Russell, Steer, and Golding (2011) found that if both males and females presented with the same symptomology of ASD males were significantly more likely to receive a diagnosis. This effect was found for individuals with classic autism symptoms as well as higher functioning autism symptoms, which clearly shows gender bias in diagnosing females with an ASD regardless of where they are on the spectrum. This bias may even occur before the diagnosis process, with females being referred for diagnosis less than males (Russell et al, 2011).

While the bias may occur across the entire spectrum, one area at higher risk is girls who have an average or above average IQ score (Kopp, Kelly, & Gillberg, 2010). It is interesting that the diagnosis rates of Asperger's syndrome, when looking at both genders together, is approximately a third lower then classical autism (Fombonne, 2004). While it is possible that Asperger's syndrome does occur less frequently in the general population, it is also possible that individuals with Asperger's syndrome, regardless of gender, are being missed in the diagnosis process. Additionally, the decrees in prevalence rates could be significantly impacted by females with higher functioning and average or above IQ scores who qualify for an ASD diagnosis, but do not receive an appropriate diagnosis (Kopp et al, 2010).

One possible reason for the low diagnosis rates of females on the autism spectrum is a different presentation of ASD symptoms across genders (Hill, 2009). This can be seen specifically in the presentation of special interests. Males with Asperger's syndrome tend to hyper focus on a specific topic, which may be seen as extremely unusual such as train schedules or vacuum cleaners. Females with Asperger's syndrome tend to escape into fiction or into imaginary worlds inside their head (Hill, 2009).

Autism spectrum disorder is still thought to be more common in males than in females (Dworzynski et al, 2012). However, the large disparity between genders is being though to be less of a biological basis and more of a barrio for females in receiving a diagnosis (Kopp et al. 2010). It is concerning that that it takes females an average of five years, after first seeking help, to be appropriately diagnosed with ASD (Kopp et al, 2010). That would mean that parents who have become concerned enough to seek help for their ten year old daughter, while in fourth grade, would not receive an appropriate ASD diagnosis for her until she was entering high school. More needs to be done to help professionals identify girls who are on the autism spectrum, and to do so in a timely manner.

References

Dworzynski, K., Ronald, A., Bolton, P., & Happe, F. (2012). How different are girls and boys above and below the diagnostic threshold for autism spectrum disorders? Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 51(8), 788-797.

Fombonne, E. (2009). Epidemiology of Pervasive Developmental Disorders. Pediatric Research, 65(6), 591-598.

Hill, A. (2009). Doctors are 'failing to spot asperger's in girls'. London, UK: The Guardian, April 11, 2009.

Koop, S., Kelly, K. B., & Gillberg, C. (2010). Girls with social and/or attention deficits: A descriptive study of 100 clinic attenders. Journal of Attention Disorders, 14(2), 167-181.

Russell, G., Steer, C., & Golding, J. (2011). Social and demographic factors that influence the diagnosis of autistic spectrum disorders. Soc Psychiatry Psychiatr Epidemiol, 46, 1283-1293.

A Review of AngelSense GPS Tracking Device

I first heard about the AngelSense GPS Tracking Device from the blog Autism Daddy. At the time L was just released from the ER, she was completely unstable, but they could not find her a bed in an inpatient hospital.

L was running more then three times a week. I was loosing track of her for more then 30 minutes at a time. She was suicidal and prone to risky behaviors - and she was running on the side of busy roads (in SoCal try and not find a busy road!).

I needed to try something and the AngelSense device looked perfect.

This is where I will interrupt my review to say that I was looking at this device for a gifted child with Aspergers who's IQ score for visual spatial ability is in the 99th percentile for her age. I say this because she is a kid who can figure out things that should not be figured out. My review is based on this.

If you are looking at this device for a child who is a bit more compliant then I would recommend that you check out the review by Autism Daddy - it will probably be more relevant (of course you can also finish reading mine).

The device website is great. You can chat with a customer service representative, all of which are autistic parents who are working from home. My first area of concern was that the device was secure. I was instructed that the device would securely attach to the inside of a pocket. I figured that with thirty days to try the device I would let L test it out. If she could detach it then I would return it - no loss on my part (all good intentions right?).

The interaction for the device is pretty great. It is a website that can be saved like an app on your mobile device - or activated directly from the website. You can call the device to hear where your child is, and you can receive updates when your child leaves or enters a location. I loved knowing that L left her Grandma's house, saw the bus schedule, and saw that she made it to school. The information was text to my phone and I did not have to worry.

About nine in the morning I decided to see how the dial feature worked. It didn't. I checked into the device and found that the signal could no longer be located. I honestly thought that maybe the signal was blocked by the school building.

No such luck. Less then four hours after attaching the device to the inside of my daughter's pocket she ripped it out and flushed it down the toilet. The device is not waterproof - at all!

It was extremely easy for her to detach the device. The tracker is put in a cloth case.

On both sides of the case their are little pins that go through the device and secure it to the pocket.

The pins themselves are only detached by a strong powerful magnet. It is pretty impressive.

What is not impressive is that the cloth itself is venerable. If you attach it to the inside of the pocket then the cloth is easy to rip - L is 10 and she apparently ripped it out with her bare hands without any problem. If you attach it to the outside material of the pocket then you can see the metal pins. It also could be cut out pretty easy, and depending on the material of the outside of the pants, it also could be ripped out. The case itself is cloth, so even if the pins stay to the clothes, the device's pouch could pretty easily be damaged.

L complained that she felt self conscious of having the device on her - which is why she flushed it down the toilet. However, she ripped it off because it was causing sensory problems.

With no device to return I paid the company a hundred dollars and they cancelled my service. The customer service was nice, and I think that AngelSense can do a lot of good for a lot of people. I wish I could write a raving review - I really want to. It would be a lie. For higher functioning children this device will, for the most part, be a waste of money. My main concern for children who are more compliant, and would not think of ripping the device out of their pocket, is that it may cause sensory overload.

The interaction with the device is great.

The updates from the device is great.

The security of the device on the person is severely flawed.

The durability of the device is almost non existent - it lasted less then four hours for us.

There is a concern of the device causing sensory issues. This is not a problem if the device is placed in a backpack - but what child takes their backpack when they wonder or run????

The company is great from my experience. I think the line could expand to something that would be more usable for other families.

L destroyed the device at the beginning of the school day. At the end of the day she ran. Thankfully her new school is better equipped at handling the running and she was ok. I, however, am still on the lookout for something that would better help us.  

Autism: Verbal or Non Verbal which is worse?

Do you follow Autism Daddy's blog? The link is here http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/. He has got quite a following, and I believe rightly so. I have loved reading his posts because they reflect the true struggle of being a special needs parent.

Until lately.

Now there is an US versus THEM thing going on. Or maybe Verbal versus Non Verbal.

When I worked as an ABA therapist my kid's parents would always say - if only he could talk. Things would be so much better if he could talk.

Except my kids could talk, and it did not make anything better.

My son started talking early and never shut up.

My youngest stopped talking, but she picked up the ability to mimic people early. She looked like she could carry on a conversation. That was enough for everyone else.

Now she can talk quite well. Except when she doesn't. Except when she just decides to stop. Except when she talks in Fruit Language which consists of the words "Pineapple" and occasionally "Apple."

My daughter being able to talk does not stop her from being overwhelmed at school. It does not stop her from trying to run in front of cars. It does not stop her from biting or hitting. It does not stop the Autism at all!!!!

Sure she can speak very well. Yet, she cannot tell me why school is freaking her out. She can not tell me about the bullies. She cannot put into words emotions that she does not understand.

Because she is so verbal she is expected to be typical. She is not.

As a person with Asperger's I understand that the words coming out of my mouth do not explain the world that is going on inside my head.

This discussion would probably not piss me off so much, except I am tired. I am alone. I have to fight so much harder to get services for my daughter, even though she is not functioning in this world.

There is no room in the neurotypical world for individuals with Asperger's. Now parents of non verbal children are trying to push us out of the Autistic World. As an individual with Aspergers this upsets me. As a parent. . . well I pretty much guarantee you that I have had just as much sleep as you (which is probably none) and I have just as many worries as you do (which are uncountable).

When I see you and your non verbal child in the grocery store I will do everything in my power to be supportive. Are you going to be like all the other parents and give me "the look" because my verbal nine year old is riding in the cart with her tablet to survive the trip?

Who I Am

So, before diving into this whole blogging thing I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is MJ and I am a single mother of three extraordinary children with their own unique struggles. I have a MS in Applied Developmental Psychology and a BA in Psychology. My favorite passion is my children and reading. I also love my job working with numbers at a local higher education school.

About my Children

My oldest is my son J who is less then a week away from turning 13! The journey into preteen has been just as bumpy as I have been warned. When my son was 4 he was diagnosed with Asperger's, then has been subsequently been diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He loves the Titanic, Reading, and Magic the Gathering - in that order. I am sure somewhere his family falls into the list as well.

My middle child S, and my oldest daughter, is 11. She is an amazingly unique girl who is nearly as tall as me! She is extremely creative and artistic. Her favorite pastime is making things out of trash. Currently she is on an artistic duck tape trip. When my daughter was three she was diagnosed with Bipolar - despite many psychologists and therapists intentions to change her diagnosis it has always stayed as the most appropriate.

My youngest daughter L is 8 years old. She is a bundle of energy! If the Energizer Bunny and Tiger had a child it would turn out to be my daughter. When she was nine months old she began to regress into Autism. This was the same period in which my other two children were first receiving their diagnosis. Because of this I saw the symptoms early and she received intervention before she was a year old. She was officially diagnosed with PDD-NOS. That diagnosis has since been changed to an anxiety disorder.

Our Family

My ex husband was military. The simple version is that when he came back from his second tour in Iraq he no longer wanted to be a part of our family. I have been officially divorced for three years now and provide all of the care for my children. Thankfully, I live near family so I do have backup when needed! Like every family we have our good days and our not so great days - although the challenges may be a bit more over the top then most families. Either way the one thing I hope my kids take with them is that they can rely on their family to have their backs.

Our Diet

When my children were being diagnosed I decided to have our family go gluten and casein free. I saw a huge improvement in my youngest daughter, it is one of the reasons that I believe she has officially lost her Autism Diagnosis. I also learned that S does not respond well to sugar. It can throw her into violent rages. Although we did not stay G/C Free for long I took away a healthy respect for how food can affect my children's behaviors. While I was in graduate school we eat a fresh whole foods diet and their were marked behavioral improvements.

Before my current job, and just a few months ago, I was working as an applied behavioral analysis. I loved my job, and the children I had the opportunity to work with. However, the pay was not enough to support a family and the hours where when I needed to be caring for my own children. I found a more stable long term job and despite missing my other children I am very happy with my decision. Now that I actually see my children I realize how out of control our eating habits have become. My son had to be put on medication for anger management, I gained fifty pounds in the last year, S is no longer in as much control, and L has been having major panic attacks.

It is time for us to get back under control, and although we are doing that through time and routine, we are also cleaning up the way we eat. I made the decision that we are going to start eating Paleo - honestly, I think if it had a cool name and such set rules we never would have stopped the G/C Free diet. It is an ongoing journey. . . but that is another story.