Living in Two Realities - Functioning with Aspergers

I live in two realities.

There is my everyday reality. It is a world full of deadlines, schedules, and demands. It is loud and confusing. There are so many rules, and very few of them actually make any sense.

Then there is my native reality. It is the place where everything come easy. Where people can communicate without any language, and still understand each other. In this world everyone is smart, even if it isn't apparent. It is a place that I only get to visit, to retreat to when I have no other demands, or if the world get to be so much that I just cannot take it anymore.

I think this is why many individuals with autism say:
1) Autism is good
2) The world is the problem

Notice I said many - not all. I, for one, have a different perspective.

I am unique.

I am autistic.

I am a parent of two autistic children.

I have worked with many autistic children all over the spectrum.

I have, and continue to study about the science of autism.

I do not believe autism is bad, but I also do not believe it is realistic to expect the world to change for individuals with autism.

I love the autism world. I love escaping into my obsession. It is peaceful. I feel alive. I am able to easily interact with many other individuals with autism. I have on many occasions "translated" for children with autism to their neurotypical parents and/or teachers. It is a language that I know how to read without trying. It is my language.

Yet it is not the world that I get to live in.

The reality is that I have to navigate the neurotypical world to provide for my children. I have to advocate for their needs. I had to obtain an education, and get a job. I cannot walk out of my job because of social interactions. I do not get to meltdown when I have had enough for the day. I have to live in the neurotypical world - but it is not my native world.

In many ways I would not give up being autistic. I am smarter then so many people. I see the world differently. I do not think I could have the patience to raise my children if I was not autistic.

Yet what I wouldn't get to be able to go one day without having to work at everything. I would love to have something come easily. I would love to not have to talk through every interaction to see where I screwed up, and why the other person is looking at me like they do not understand me at all (or maybe I am just reading them wrong. . . again).

Then there is seeing my children struggle. Being autistic and an adult is hard. Being autistic and a child is next to impossible. Everyone expects you to function like you are neurotypical (even if they know you are not), yet you do not have the skills to do so. It is even worse if you are female.

I think the autistic community has a lot in common with the Deaf community - in terms of culture.

In both cultures you can be the only member of your family that belongs to the community.