The Autistic Brain During Social Interactions

The other day on Facebook I saw a picture of how people with autism think during a conversation. I think it does a very good job at describing all the thoughts that a person with autism has to contend with while having a conversation.

Am I making eye contact - close enough - do you think they can tell I am looking at their lips and not their eyes?

Wow they are standing way to close. I wish they would back up. Would the be offended if I took a step back?

Is the person mad at me? happy about something? Do I need to be worried, concerned, or neutral?

Remember. . . pay attention to the words.

Concepts like this are constantly going through my head while I engage in a conversation. When you have to consciously think about every thing that you body is suppose to do, even if you know all the 'correct' things to do - you are going to be so busy with one aspect that you forget another aspect.

There is so much information to process that I am usually still processing it after the conversation has happened. Many times I will finally realize that someone wanted me to say something different, or looked at me weird because I did not make eye contact only after the conversation had ended - some times I have this epiphany weeks later.

Yet that is just body language. What this picture does not do as great representing is train of though.

This weekend I had dinner at my families table. I was a bit tired, and am working off an allergic reaction that I got while we were on vacation. Surrounded by family I do not have to try as hard as if I am at work.

Due to recently thinking about Aspie conversations I processed what was coming out of my mouth a bit more. Of course I only realized that what I said had no connection to any prior conversation after it had come out of my mouth.

While my family member was talking I usually wonder quite a bit from their conversation. I get distracted by one aspect that they are saying, link it up to something else, which links up to something else, which links up to something else, and then I say something in 'response' to what they had said - except the link between the original conversation and my response is only in my head. For people who have been around me a lot, they get used to it. For my kids - well we do it to each other all the time. Sometimes my son and I have three or four conversations going at once. When something is important, as the adult, I have to make an effort to make sure we stop and focus on one conversation until we both understand it.

At other times it is not the linkage, but the actual physical environment, which prompts a response from me, which of course is not connected to the conversation. When my shirt rubbed against my hives I thought about them which prompted me to see if they felt better, when I was relieved they were still in their state of healing I told my family members. The fact that nothing said before had any connection to what came out of my mouth did not connect until later.

I think my brain works faster then other people. This is not a yeah I am smarter way. It is a I have to pay attention to everything, and I would not survive if I could not process all that information in enough time to actually respond to it. Which is why I cannot socialize while driving if the environment changes. My kids are always told that I cannot talk while I am driving in rain, or snow, or even on a very crowded freeway. However, if we are driving the same roads home that we do every day then I can handle responding to their lecture on My Little Pony, the Titanic, or all the horrible people at school.