Autism: Verbal or Non Verbal which is worse?

Do you follow Autism Daddy's blog? The link is here http://autism-daddy.blogspot.com/. He has got quite a following, and I believe rightly so. I have loved reading his posts because they reflect the true struggle of being a special needs parent.

Until lately.

Now there is an US versus THEM thing going on. Or maybe Verbal versus Non Verbal.

When I worked as an ABA therapist my kid's parents would always say - if only he could talk. Things would be so much better if he could talk.

Except my kids could talk, and it did not make anything better.

My son started talking early and never shut up.

My youngest stopped talking, but she picked up the ability to mimic people early. She looked like she could carry on a conversation. That was enough for everyone else.

Now she can talk quite well. Except when she doesn't. Except when she just decides to stop. Except when she talks in Fruit Language which consists of the words "Pineapple" and occasionally "Apple."

My daughter being able to talk does not stop her from being overwhelmed at school. It does not stop her from trying to run in front of cars. It does not stop her from biting or hitting. It does not stop the Autism at all!!!!

Sure she can speak very well. Yet, she cannot tell me why school is freaking her out. She can not tell me about the bullies. She cannot put into words emotions that she does not understand.

Because she is so verbal she is expected to be typical. She is not.

As a person with Asperger's I understand that the words coming out of my mouth do not explain the world that is going on inside my head.

This discussion would probably not piss me off so much, except I am tired. I am alone. I have to fight so much harder to get services for my daughter, even though she is not functioning in this world.

There is no room in the neurotypical world for individuals with Asperger's. Now parents of non verbal children are trying to push us out of the Autistic World. As an individual with Aspergers this upsets me. As a parent. . . well I pretty much guarantee you that I have had just as much sleep as you (which is probably none) and I have just as many worries as you do (which are uncountable).

When I see you and your non verbal child in the grocery store I will do everything in my power to be supportive. Are you going to be like all the other parents and give me "the look" because my verbal nine year old is riding in the cart with her tablet to survive the trip?

Paleo Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes

I admit that my meal planning was a bit rushed this month. It has been a bit hectic at work and it is amazing how that translates into less energy at home. The one one amazing new recipe that I did run across this month was Cinnamon Swirl Pancakes in the Paleo Cookbook For Beginners cookbook. I am very excited about this cookbook and you will see a review - and more creations from it.

The smell of the pancake mix is heavenly. It is a deep sweet cinnamon smell. Cooking them was great. The even turned out like my old gluten pancakes. No pancake so far has had such a good looking picture!

It was not until after I realized that this recipe does not call for any sugar - not even a banana or fruit of any kind. I was a bit hesitant how this would go over with the kids. They insist on putting aguava nectar or honey on top anyway. I liked the idea they were not getting a double dose. The best part is no one missed it. L LOVED these pancakes! So did J and S - but they are so much easier to please.

You will totally be seeing these again in the recipe line up.

2014 Family Bucket List

When L was two years old I went back to school for my BA in psychology. After graduating I went straight back to school to get my Masters. While finishing up the last of my MS I worked as an ABA therapist - and as much as I loved the children and families that I worked with the pay sucked. It has been a long time since we were on sure financial footing. To be honest we are not quite there yet. However, with a stable job that pays a decent amount (without the whole two parent income thing) I wanted 2014 to be a year with a little less stress. So, I decided that I would allow the kids to create a bucket list of things that they want to do. Everything on the list they came up with. The only thing that I vetoed was the eating pizza all day thing - we already have a junk food day. It looks to be a fun 2014. Of course I will post on each item of the bucket list.

1. Go Scuba Diving
2. Ridding horses
3. Swimming Lessons
4. Go to the Queen Mary
5. Non Pollution Day (we ride bikes or scooters all day long)
6. Junk Food Day
7. Create a Website
8. Fishing
9. A day we leave at sunrise and don't come home until sunset
10. Art Day
11. Board Game Day
12. Go to an aquarium

I am really impressed with their list. They didn't add anything majorly crazy, and all of it looks fun. We are going to post the list in our living room to remind us to work on checking them off.

Eat Like A Caveman NOT Act Like A Caveman

I received a call on the way to pick up my youngest, L, from the after school program. She wasn't feeling well. She nearly made it back to the car before she spewed brown liquid all over the parking lot. Mass quantities of brown liquid. Hum, no wonder she wasn't feeling good. After the third time she vomited she finally told me that she had used her allowance to buy an ice cream bar from her school snack shack. This is the school HEALTHY snack shack - but I digress. 

Finding out L is allergic to gluten has been a transition. This is especially difficult since she is a very picky eater. Food is her number one trigger for meltdowns. So I do not fight her. I do gently prod her and continually ask of she is still hungry. Because I am worried about her consuming food and to decrease waste we have not yet gone strictly Paleo. Instead we have a "when it is gone it is gone" policy. Which means she ate Ramon (I shudder to admit this) when she was sick this past week. She has also eaten oatmeal for breakfast every morning. I have also relented to continue buying 'healthy' peanut butter for a bit longer. 

I have been worried that L has not been transitioning her body towards eating better food. Especially since a cold last week wiped out her appetite. Although she has been off of school lunch for two weeks now, there is always trading with her friends, and of course snack shack. Yet her behavior spiked out of control this week, so did J's and S's. What has kept me going was the knowledge that they are in withdrawals. The fighting, winning, and outright hostility will decrease. 

While not everyone will agree with my transitioning into a more healthy eating style, I nearly did a dance of joy when I heard L exclaim " The ice cream sandwich wasn't worth it, next time I will get potato chips."

Who I Am

So, before diving into this whole blogging thing I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is MJ and I am a single mother of three extraordinary children with their own unique struggles. I have a MS in Applied Developmental Psychology and a BA in Psychology. My favorite passion is my children and reading. I also love my job working with numbers at a local higher education school.

About my Children

My oldest is my son J who is less then a week away from turning 13! The journey into preteen has been just as bumpy as I have been warned. When my son was 4 he was diagnosed with Asperger's, then has been subsequently been diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He loves the Titanic, Reading, and Magic the Gathering - in that order. I am sure somewhere his family falls into the list as well.

My middle child S, and my oldest daughter, is 11. She is an amazingly unique girl who is nearly as tall as me! She is extremely creative and artistic. Her favorite pastime is making things out of trash. Currently she is on an artistic duck tape trip. When my daughter was three she was diagnosed with Bipolar - despite many psychologists and therapists intentions to change her diagnosis it has always stayed as the most appropriate.

My youngest daughter L is 8 years old. She is a bundle of energy! If the Energizer Bunny and Tiger had a child it would turn out to be my daughter. When she was nine months old she began to regress into Autism. This was the same period in which my other two children were first receiving their diagnosis. Because of this I saw the symptoms early and she received intervention before she was a year old. She was officially diagnosed with PDD-NOS. That diagnosis has since been changed to an anxiety disorder.

Our Family

My ex husband was military. The simple version is that when he came back from his second tour in Iraq he no longer wanted to be a part of our family. I have been officially divorced for three years now and provide all of the care for my children. Thankfully, I live near family so I do have backup when needed! Like every family we have our good days and our not so great days - although the challenges may be a bit more over the top then most families. Either way the one thing I hope my kids take with them is that they can rely on their family to have their backs.

Our Diet

When my children were being diagnosed I decided to have our family go gluten and casein free. I saw a huge improvement in my youngest daughter, it is one of the reasons that I believe she has officially lost her Autism Diagnosis. I also learned that S does not respond well to sugar. It can throw her into violent rages. Although we did not stay G/C Free for long I took away a healthy respect for how food can affect my children's behaviors. While I was in graduate school we eat a fresh whole foods diet and their were marked behavioral improvements.

Before my current job, and just a few months ago, I was working as an applied behavioral analysis. I loved my job, and the children I had the opportunity to work with. However, the pay was not enough to support a family and the hours where when I needed to be caring for my own children. I found a more stable long term job and despite missing my other children I am very happy with my decision. Now that I actually see my children I realize how out of control our eating habits have become. My son had to be put on medication for anger management, I gained fifty pounds in the last year, S is no longer in as much control, and L has been having major panic attacks.

It is time for us to get back under control, and although we are doing that through time and routine, we are also cleaning up the way we eat. I made the decision that we are going to start eating Paleo - honestly, I think if it had a cool name and such set rules we never would have stopped the G/C Free diet. It is an ongoing journey. . . but that is another story.